a new beginning...

And so the decision has been made... I will continue writing but in a new blog that covers from being FT as Ellie and onwards... thanks for listenng, reading, sharing etc.

If you want to be part of the new blog then please feel free to join Ellie at http://ellieon.blogspot.com... if not thanks for looking and being part of the journey...

Ciao forever... :) xo

where too from here? a dilemma

Hi all,

I realise it's been ages since I posted here... the thing is once I realised where life was headed and kind of got myself there I didn't know what to do with this blog.

You see the blog was initially a way of sorting my own head out on a number of issues and well... a lot is sorted and a bit yet to go.

So where to from here?

Well to get you up to date if you don't already know, I've been living fulltime as Elisabeth for about 5 months now... I work 4 days a week as Ellie, have bought a house, a car and been in surgery as Ellie and well... that's the future....

So do I keep this blog of scottoutofsync? or start a new one of Ellie's life from here..

I'm not totally sure to be honest... but things currently on my agenda include:

1. SRS surgery... in 7 months I'll be 'allowed' to have surgery... I personally can't wait.. but I wonder what it will be like to finalise this transition... I haven't acknowledged certain err.. male bits for many, many years and it is strange to think how it will be to feel right about things with the right bits in place.

2. To BA or not to BA... that is the question... having grown to a neat but small 'b' cup do I want to go up a notch like most TS girls do given the hormones are a little weak... well the answer is yes but do I feel it's worth the cost, pain etc. for what it offers... it's something I am still struggling with.

3. Work - how long do I keep this up... initially it was 6 months maximum which runs out at the end of the year but we'd really benefit from me working longer and I have 8 weeks or so of sick leave which would help with surgery recovery etc. ... so what to di?

Anyway.. . this may well be my last post here.. I'm still tossing things over and may start something new... ie: transition related and less philosophical... I'll see... if you want to feedback on anything past or present please do.. I;d love to hear from you..

Ciao for now...

Ellie :) xo

Lyrics to "Come my lovely"

For those with troubled hearing... or those who struggle with my lack of diction (yes I said 'diction'!!!)

When the winds of my life have been blown to a storm
In the winter of life I'm alone
When the darkness surrounds me I see no more light
Have I ever felt more on my own ?

As I sit in my emptiness I feel the presence of love
And I know it is you Lord
For you come in my darkness and speak in the stillness
Your words of compassion and love Lord
Healing, Healing Me

CHORUS:
Come my lovely one come
For you the winter is past
The season of rain it is over and gone
Come my beautiful one
Let me see your face for your face is so beautiful and lovely
Let me hear your voice my child for to hear your voice is sweet
My lovely one come

As the storm blows around me I try to hold on
And I tremble and shake in your arms
In my fear I am doubting if I can go on
But with you I will come to no harm

As I sit in your presence I'm feeling your tenderness
Flood through the depths of my soul Lord
And you're gently restoring me fading the memory
of hurts locked away in my heart Lord
Healing, healing me

CHORUS

When the winds of my life they are blown to a storm
I'll shelter in your tender arms
When the darkness surrounds me there'll always be light
I'll never more be on my own

As I sit in your presence I'm feeling your tenderness
Flood through the depths of my soul Lord
For you came in my darkness and spoke in the stillness
Your words of compassion and love Lord
Healing, Healing Me

For my dear friend Maria

This song posted on the blog (on the right) is based on some verses from Song of Solomon... I have published it for a friend of mine Maria Risener who is going through a very rough time.

It could also be comforting for anyone going though a difficult time.. luv you all

Scott/Ellie xo