ode to kimberly reed... a new song

Hi again... I've added the mp3 recorded today of the song 'Kimberly' ... hope you like it

cheers...

Hi there all,

Just a quick post this time. I recently saw an interview with Kimberly Reed (MTF transgender lesbian filmmaker... now there's a title for you ..hehe) on Oprah of all shows and it really touched my heart.

Her story is not that different to mine but her courage to find her way to freedom is awesomely inspiring and I shed so many tears and still do even typing this... making a habit of that lately :? I was so inspired and 'moved' through that interview that I've even re-named my guitar after her... trust me that's a true honour :)

Anyway... out of it came this song. I'll post the lyrics now and try and record it for you in the coming few days (maybe week) and post it up too... love ya all and thanks for listening:

KIMBERLY – Scott White

(ode to Kimberly Reed)

You were born a boy

But that label never fit you

Though you tried to play their game

How’d it make you feel?

When you gazed into the looking glass

What picture did you see?

CHORUS:

Oh Kimberley

Your elegance and grace

It inspires me

When I look upon your face

It amazes me

The courage that you’ve shown to be free

You bring hope into my soul

Oh Kimberley

When did you decide?

To walk this rugged pathway

So you could be complete

Was someone by your side?

To hold you in the shadows

While you fought your way to light

Parable of the general store

Once upon a time there was a general store that was the hub of the community. Loved by singles, parents, widows and children alike, the store owner knew everyone by name and would sit and yarn about anything and everything if you had the time which just about everyone did when they stopped by. Kids would drop in on their way home from school and pick up a lolly or two. The owner even kept an account for all the regulars who 'mostly' paid on time, and was always generous when some went through tough times. It was a wonderful place of support and community.

One dark day a visitor came into town and declared he would build a new store. This store would be bigger, have more variety, piped music, longer opening hours and of course be cheaper than the community store. It wasn't long and the new store was built. Most of the people in the community wanted to check it out and dropped in. They were impressed by the colours and bright lights of the new store, the TV screens and even the charisma of the manager who could sell ice to an Eskimo.

Before long though the colour started to fade and people started to wonder about the quality of the produce. Some had stuck by the old general store but many were still at the new one. And again it happened. Much like before a man came to town and announced he would build a better, brighter, bigger store to beat all stores. It would serve petrol, provide childcare while you shopped, have live music and even a coffee shop… this would make MEGA look MINI, and he could be so convincing.

Many of those that had switched to the first new store moved again to the better store and the new improved better store even attracted some of the old faithful from the old community store… hey their coffee was very good.

Before long though the colour started to fade and people's interest waned. They complained that no-one knew who they were anymore, the costs for produce in the town had doubled to get all these new features with no improvement in quality... I mean flour was flour right?

Sadly the old community store had been hit hard over the years and eventually had to shut its doors. The first new store suffered tough times too and tried to compete with the 'super' store but new paint wasn't really enough and whilst it stayed in business it was never the same and struggled to survive.

The moral of the story? Yes of course the store is actually the church and over the years we've seen it fade from being a place of support and community to a place that tries desperately to compete with other 'stores' in the area. So much time, energy and money is spent on having the best music, buildings, PA, signs, programs, preachers when none of this is really at the core of what church is supposed to be. So few churches give more than 10% of their finances beyond their walls. It's a survival game so people don't migrate to the 'better' church down the road.

I remember reading George Barna's "The Second Coming of the Church" (circa 90's) and the statistic that jumped out at me was the hundreds of billions of dollars the US church had spent on programs etc. over a ten year period only to show a small decline in overall attendance.

Remember that even church itself is really only secondary (or lower). The greatest commandment according to Jesus is to love God and your neighbour… he agreed that it's more important than your church or anything you do at church (Mk 12:28-34)… if we don't have love, we may as well not bother. Is the western church overall just one giant resounding gong or crashing cymbal?

So… always continue to love! … And work hard at making your church a place of love and grace… that gives outwardly and doesn't consume in a competitive race to nowhere. And what of the grace filled pastor who had loved and lost his 'church'? You may well find him running a bed and breakfast…still loving God and anyone who comes by. My kind of guy !!

Cheers… Scott

The awkward (and often painful) sound of silence

It's been nearly two weeks since I wrote anything in this blog. First let me apologise for the long-ish pause. No it's not because I have nothing left to say. (like that would ever happen :? ) I have some wonderful posts planned. There's a 3-4 part series on "Jesus - What the?' examining the life and ministry of Jesus and discussing the idea that perhaps the modern church is off target with it's target and even a section on Paul called 'A-Paul-ed'. (well it sounded interesting to me... yawn..Zzzz) But I digress...

There are a number of things I didn't quite anticipate when starting this blog thing.

First off it's really draining baring your soul... even if no-one reads your blog it can be a very painful experience just putting it down in words. Sometimes I need time to recover and in this case my depression has been at all time highs (or is that lows) in the past couple of weeks. Hence some of the 'silence'.

Secondly (and how stupid am I) I didn't anticipate my responses to feedback. This has come in from friends, family, people I have never met and people I'm getting to know in cyberspace. There's been encouragement, affirmation, criticism, mild debate etc. which is all good and I expected (and encourage) this.

The one response though that I didn't expect and the one that has been tearing me apart has been that of silence. (hence the 'painful' part of the title) Some people I had hoped would read the things I was writing and perhaps for the first time acknowledge and understand the turmoil that is so often my life have chosen to either 'not read' or worse still 'not comment'. Avoidance and silence can really hurt some times. The result on my fragile emotional state has been quite crushing.

Finally, I wasn't quite ready for the questions it would raise within myself. Being honest with yourself, writing stuff down and wondering where all this might lead can be very confronting. I am such a work in progress. At times this scares me senseless and I want to run away and pretend my GID doesn't exist anymore (which sadly doesn't work).

Anyway, the point of this was really just to point out that I have really appreciated those that have followed my story to date, I have appreciated the feedback and I ask you be patient as I work out what should come next and find the energy, courage and mental health to write it.

I remember someone old once said to me: "That lies will lock you up with truth the only key."
But I was comfortable and warm inside my shell, and couldn't see this place would soon become my hell
So is it better to tell and hurt or lie to save their face

(Missy Higgins - The Special Two)

Talk soon ... thanks for listening

Scott :)

if god is love why is there so much hatred around??

"... and they'll know we are Christians by our hate by our hate and they'll know we are Christians by our..." ...

that's how the song goes isn't it? Not exactly as I remember it but sometimes I think maybe more appropriate. I'm feeling sad today. I keep reading things that make me weep... I feel I could easily write a dozen pages on this one but I'll try and be brief... here's s few that have made me cry for the 'lost church that is' this week lone:


1. Let me start with Fred Phelps... I know I know he's an easy target and part of the 'extreme US fundamentalists' but it's a voice that some at least partially agree with and deserves a brief mention. If you don't know of Fred then please google him but don't spend too much time reading his messages of hate or some may brush off. Apparently according to Fred 'God hates Gays'... also 'God hates America' and ironically 'God hates Jews' (what the?) They regularly picket schools etc. to show people how much god hates them. I have so much to say on Fred but in the end I weep for him... he doesn't know the love and grace of god.


2. Fred Niles... OK so he's no Phelps thankfully (what is it with people called Fred?) but he's scary enough and it's a small step from where he is. Fundamentally (sic) he's opposed to climate control (and any form of environmentalism... I thought God was kind of fond of the environment), immigration of Muslims into Australia, Gay and Lesbians (yes I know it's one of my bugbears...get over it). He also believes in the outright freedom of enterprise. ('God helps those who help themselves' apparently... sheesh silly me! I thought God helped those who couldn't help themselves...ummm.. that's all of us). We cannot let such a misinterpretation of god filter into our culture or our politics...Tony Abbot and Family First also scare me for similar reasons.


3. Corrective rape of lesbians (particularly in South Africa): I'm not sure if you've heard of this but my blood boils with anger and my heart weeps with grief. I will not be flippant here. There are groups mainly within South Africa and Zimbabwe (Uganda proposes a 'Kill the gays' bill) who are condoning (claiming religious morality) the brutal beating and rape of lesbians to make them real women. This practice is spreading and is a foul and brutal abomination of mankind. I don't know what to say here... I'm so upset by it. Love your neighbour as yourself please peoples...


OK I'd planned to say more but that will do for now. That last one just destroys me. These are extreme examples but so much of this is in god's name and supported by large factions of the church (particularly in the conservative right in the US). It's not that big a leap for other evangelical groups to follow suit at least in part. As for what would Jesus say.... Hmmm..


Jesus was highly outspoken at the Jewish church and particularly the Pharisees and Sadducees of his time. The Pharisees were (similar to Phelps and Nile) of the belief that God had not 'redeemed' the Jewish people from slavery because of their sin and so they were intensely focussed on morality as a way to 'salvation'. (Salvation in this context meaning freedom for the Jewish people)


Ironic that it is clear in the NT that Jesus didn't come in the world to judge it... he came to "SAVE" it... morality won;t save us... only love and grace. No-one... not one of us stands untouched without that grace. Jesus didn't share a message of hate in any form. He constantly showed love, mercy and grace to even the 'untouchables' (in the eyes of the Pharisees) ... no-one was untouchable for Jesus... in fact they were often his focus (and I would argue the focus of much of the OT too) prostitute, tax collector, 'bleeding' woman, Samaritan woman, lepers, blind, dead... you name them and he reached out to them. Yes he even touches us... shame that Phelps and co. are yet to truly experience the heart felt touch of God's love and grace.


What are you going to do? How will you demonstrate love to your neighbour... who will you reach out to...especially the 'untouchables' ? We must fight this hatred this abominable representation of god with love and ensure our hearts and our churches NEVER preach this message of hate. For a start please rethink your approach to the church's treatment of the GLBT community.


Crying and praying... Scott