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Hi all,
Lately I've been having lots of discussions regarding the GLBT community, love, abuse, christianity etc. It's been quite a tiring few weeks but also quite enlightening and 'growing'...
One comment I had from a Christian friend was as follows "I have looked into the Christian Support pages on FB for homosexuals and transgender... this may sound harsh but interestingly I don't read a lot on them that displays genuine Christian character ... confused and disillusioned people finding comfort on other confused and disillusioned people" ... it was a statement that amazed and confounded me ...
I thought maybe it would be a good opportunity to share some stories of people I have met either in person or online. No real names are used and I'm keeping it brief to ensure privacy is assured.
People often wonder why I am so passionate about loving the GLBT community and working hard to stamp out abusive and potentially harmful messages that can lead so easily to positions of hate and prejudice. When you hear what people have gone through you can often understand better why they may feel disillusioned and why they seek comfort with each other. In many cases they have not experienced it anywhere else.
1. Jane - is a lovely TG girl who since transitioning has never seen her two youngish boys. Her ex is very bitter and refuses to allow contact. She sees it as her reponsibility to be supportive with finances and hopes when they reach 18 they will seek reconnection with her.
2. Tom - A lovely Christian man who loves people and God and helps others struggling with their identity. After spending his life with his ONLY life partner of 29 year's before he was killed in a car accident, his brother asked him to meet with his pastor under the guise that his pastor wanted to perform the memorial service. After a 40 mile drive to meet his brother's pastor, he was immediately told that his deceased partner was in hell and he was to join him IF he did not convert to heterosexuality.
3. Jill - A lovely Christian woman in her 30's. She recently came out to her family. Their reponse? Her family is pushing her to give up her kids to her ex. They believe that she's going to ruin their lives if they grow up in a gay household. My sister, who is married to a pastor, keeps sending me text messages with scriptures saying I should choose life.
4. Grace - a TG girl in her late 40's. Adopted young she tried to find her real mother. Eventually she tracked her down. After 3 letters she received a reply not to contact her again or an AVO would be instigated. She has since been disowned by her adopted prents and asked to never be in touch again. She is unable to work, does not see her children and lives in a caravan park.
5. Martha- a lovely Christian mature woman who when she came out to her family was told by her christian brother and his wife told she should be put to death... to quote 'It still hurts me now as badly as it did then... All because I am a lesbian and their kind of christianity disapproves of me..'
6. Jim - a beautifully warm hearted and giving gay man. When he came out to his family his father screamed at his mother in front of him that he would rather have a dead son than a gay one.
Now not all stories are bad. Many people find love, acceptance, grace and support from their friends and families. But there are so many like these simple examples I have given. At the root of it all is a bigotry that bypasses the person and looks only at one attribute for total judgement.
This past few weeks there have been many stories of youth suicide and bullying because kids are often different. Where do these attitudes of hate, of abuse, of judgement come from. Well many places... but esentially it comes down to what messages we believe, what messages we give out and what messages we teach our children.
I'm passionate that the church do a complete about face on their attitudes to the LGBT/GLBT community. I believe that the conservative legalistic views of the religious right are feeding the 'hate' crimes toward this community by teaching a strong message of judgement and not love. This has to stop!
And you may have wondered why many GLBT people feel confused, hurt and disillusioned... think about the messages you would give!
Ciao for now...
Scott
Two posts in one day? surely not.. oh well...
Lately I've been sharing a litle about myself and my experiences with being transgendered and Christian in a variety of places... some to my family, others to people I don't know. I thought they were worthwhile sharing as they give you a greater insight into me, my struggles and even Lisa (my wife's) experiences with being married to someone who is transgendered.
Hope you enjoy... remember these thoughts/posts were in blogs etc with a Christian context hence the language :)
A. ABOUT ME:
I'm passionate yet frightened, gracious and loving and yet judgemental and angry, strangely fickle yet fiercely loyal. I want to understand and yet be understood, to embrace and be embraced, to love and be loved. Quite a quandary... think of your typical woman if there's such a thing and you'll be close to the mark (think of Alanis Morisette's 'Hand in my Pocket')... Lisa's been trying to work me out for years and she's female :) (PS - she just laughed when I read that out.. she wholewheartedly agrees)... I can sadly be a grumpy vindictive bitch when scorned/crossed... but it generally doesn;t last that long...I'm learning.
As to what I'm on about... many things and yet sometimes nothing (see previous paragraph):
I feel very passionate about issues of significant inequality especially the more I deal with and befriend other LGBT folk , hear their stories, feel their pain and the abuse they have encountered and continue to encounter. Every time I hear of someone who has suicided or other cases of abuse, from church and non-church alike I am brought to tears and want to see the world love and get along without bias.
I do want fellow Christians to not 'exclude' them because they're too hard or because of a belief around morality/sin. They are people with issues, loves, gifts, hurts and are loved and created by God and many of them have so much to give to the world. There is a huge 'ministry' of love and care (not evangelistic) to these people. Sadly so many TG people kill themselves.. I know of a few already. It breaks my heart as I know of some of their pain and journeys.
So that's me.. creative, nurturing, manic, depressed, idealistic, wounded... and difficult. Befriend me at your peril :)
B. SOME THOUGHTS ON TRANSGENDERISM AND CHRISTIANITY:
hmmm ... God doesn't make mistakes huh? No... but what of the child born prem who dies at -2 weeks?, of the child born with autism or no limbs? What about the intersexed person born physically female (to the eye) but when she reaches age 18 and still hasn;t had her period (yet has a physically female appearance breasts and all) finds out she is chromosonally neither male nor female and has inner testes that don;t work but the physical appearance, estrogen, hips, breasts of a woman and is known as such. What choice should she make?
Please look beyond your own safe and sheltered worlds to the realities of what so many people need to live with. Only a small precentage of people in this world have the luxury of being middle class, well off, well educated, 'normal' human beings. I am a MTF transgender christian and my wife and I both know that I have the brain, personality etc. of a woman and have had for as long as I have a memory yet I was born with an anatomically non-matching body.
It is a very painful condition, one I would not wish on anyone, least of all myself. There is no sexual fetish or deviance associated with it (in my case at least) other than I am basically a-sexual or not interested. It s not a sin condition but a condition of being, of birth and of genetics. We must remember that we live in a world that is the result of thousands of years of sin and far from perfect. We all need to find a way to continue to find grace, love, peace and forgivensss in the midst of living with the consequences of a less than perfect and sinful world.
PLEASE CONSIDER AND PRAY FOR GRACE. The suicide rate of tg people is estimated as up to 70%.... well above the normal range... mostly because of people's insenstitivity and lack of understanding.
Since when has counselling re-grown an arm that was never there, healed down syndrome or fixed a terminal tumour??? Transgenderism is biological... I am convinced being born that way myself. It's a sign of western modernity that considers cognition as the ultimate. Knowledge isn;t everything... some things are real... you wouldn;t wish this on your worst enemy and trust me I have been through 8 counsellors a number of exorcists etc and funnily enough they can;t fix what is essentially created/biological.... plus I like me... I'm a lovely, gracious, giving, sensitive and forgiving person :|
Sometimes hardship is just a result of the effects of all of us human beings living with the consequences of other peoples poor decisions... ie: the death of a father who died in a crash from a drink driver.... other times it is the result of years of sin and imperfection in the world. there is so much more than simple 1+1, black vs white mathematics... God however brings us love, joy, grace, peace and forgiveness whatever our circumstances. For me I know He loves me as the woman I am inside and the 'becoming' woman I am outside... I know He loves the person I am and is pleased with so much that I give... God bless
C. AND FINALLY SOME THOUGHTS FROM LISA AND WHAT IT'S LIKE BEING MARRIED TO A TG:
Hi from Lisa, Ellie Whites wife. Just want to let people know having married this beautiful person as a man 18 years ago and then only 6 years ago discovering why s/he had felt so out of place in this world all of hir (his/her in tg terms) life. There was heartache stress and trauma for me yes but after a lot of self soul searching realized that s/he was still the same person that I had spent my adult life with and had 4 beautiful children with. I now realise that just because he looks like a man (although not for very much longer) he really does think, act and feel like a woman. {More so than me sometimes} God did not make a mistake, s/he is the most caring, giving, loving 'wife' and parent anyone could wish for. I see the hourly struggle, anxiety, pain and suffering s/he goes through in just trying to survive in hir own misfitted body and the rejection, isolation and misunderstanding s/he faces from many others.
And it is true the suicide rate is far too high in this group of beautiful but too often unacceptable people. Ellie has been so close on a few occassions and that is difficult for me to deal with. S/he has felt so much guilt about what myself and hir kids suffer that I have been close to it at times too. Because I then feel guilt cos I don't feel I am being as supportive loving or accepting as I could be. We absolutely love each other but it doesn't mean we don't struggle with it constantly. This is not a 'normal' situation and no-one really understands so please anyone out there who calls themselves a christian and loves Jesus, remember every second of every day that in this society #particularly christian circles# we struggle with peoples uneducated fundamental views and that hurts us to the core. All we ask is to be shown grace, love and understanding.
This is by no means a choice!!!!!!!! If it were I can assure you my beautiful partner WOULD NOT CHOOSE to walk this daily path of pain, anguish and rejection. Lastly I want to share that I have come from a very conservative background and God has graciously given me an extremely loving and caring 'wife' which has helped me to adjust my black and white attitudes and give me a life of learning challenges. It has not always been a nice road but I am incredibly thankful for the beautiful partner I have and the beautiful marriage we share #most of the time.# So if I can come full circle on many of my attitudes I can assure you, you can too. Please think about how you treat #judge# these beautiful but so often tormented souls. Luv to all from Lisa
Hi all...
First off let me apologise for being slack with the blog lately... I plan to say so many things but time is often not my friend... and so today I also bring you something quick and small that has really impacted me lately, from a secular artist of all places...
I have become a rabid fan of Regina Spektor who is a truly amaaazing songwriter, musician, singer...
This song that I want to share hit me that despite all the arguments, falsehoods, excess, unecessary judgment and abuse that people often feel from the church and those in it, that God is still such a powerful source of love and grace in a person's time of need. And people often find that source of comfort in a pastor, church or just in a prayer... everything has it's place and time
We're all human, we all need love.. no-one laughs at God when we're in need... have a look at the lyrics and please feel free to listen to the song ... it's on her CD 'Far'... truly powerful lyrics... well they were for me. Let me know what you thinkNo one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one’s laughing at God
When they’re starving or freezing or so very poor
No one laughs at God
When the doctor calls after some routine tests
No one’s laughing at God
When it’s gotten real late
And their kid’s not back from the party yet
No one laughs at God
When their airplane start to uncontrollably shake
No one’s laughing at God
When they see the one they love, hand in hand with someone else
And they hope that they’re mistaken
No one laughs at God
When the cops knock on their door
And they say we got some bad news, sir
No one’s laughing at God
When there’s a famine or fire or flood
*Chorus*
But God can be funny
At a cocktail party when listening to a good God-themed joke, or
Or when the crazies say He hates us
And they get so red in the head you think they’re ‘bout to choke
God can be funny,
When told he’ll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus
God can be so hilarious
Ha ha
No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one’s laughing at God
When they’ve lost all they’ve got
And they don’t know what for
No one laughs at God on the day they realize
That the last sight they’ll ever see is a pair of hateful eyes
No one’s laughing at God when they’re saying their goodbyes
Love you all... God's love and grace can keep flowing from our lives daily and impacting those who really need it. More tough discussion and some confessions to come... watch this space :)
Scott
Once upon a time there was a general store that was the hub of the community. Loved by singles, parents, widows and children alike, the store owner knew everyone by name and would sit and yarn about anything and everything if you had the time which just about everyone did when they stopped by. Kids would drop in on their way home from school and pick up a lolly or two. The owner even kept an account for all the regulars who 'mostly' paid on time, and was always generous when some went through tough times. It was a wonderful place of support and community.
One dark day a visitor came into town and declared he would build a new store. This store would be bigger, have more variety, piped music, longer opening hours and of course be cheaper than the community store. It wasn't long and the new store was built. Most of the people in the community wanted to check it out and dropped in. They were impressed by the colours and bright lights of the new store, the TV screens and even the charisma of the manager who could sell ice to an Eskimo.
Before long though the colour started to fade and people started to wonder about the quality of the produce. Some had stuck by the old general store but many were still at the new one. And again it happened. Much like before a man came to town and announced he would build a better, brighter, bigger store to beat all stores. It would serve petrol, provide childcare while you shopped, have live music and even a coffee shop… this would make MEGA look MINI, and he could be so convincing.
Many of those that had switched to the first new store moved again to the better store and the new improved better store even attracted some of the old faithful from the old community store… hey their coffee was very good.
Before long though the colour started to fade and people's interest waned. They complained that no-one knew who they were anymore, the costs for produce in the town had doubled to get all these new features with no improvement in quality... I mean flour was flour right?
Sadly the old community store had been hit hard over the years and eventually had to shut its doors. The first new store suffered tough times too and tried to compete with the 'super' store but new paint wasn't really enough and whilst it stayed in business it was never the same and struggled to survive.
The moral of the story? Yes of course the store is actually the church and over the years we've seen it fade from being a place of support and community to a place that tries desperately to compete with other 'stores' in the area. So much time, energy and money is spent on having the best music, buildings, PA, signs, programs, preachers when none of this is really at the core of what church is supposed to be. So few churches give more than 10% of their finances beyond their walls. It's a survival game so people don't migrate to the 'better' church down the road.
I remember reading George Barna's "The Second Coming of the Church" (circa 90's) and the statistic that jumped out at me was the hundreds of billions of dollars the US church had spent on programs etc. over a ten year period only to show a small decline in overall attendance.
Remember that even church itself is really only secondary (or lower). The greatest commandment according to Jesus is to love God and your neighbour… he agreed that it's more important than your church or anything you do at church (Mk 12:28-34)… if we don't have love, we may as well not bother. Is the western church overall just one giant resounding gong or crashing cymbal?
So… always continue to love! … And work hard at making your church a place of love and grace… that gives outwardly and doesn't consume in a competitive race to nowhere. And what of the grace filled pastor who had loved and lost his 'church'? You may well find him running a bed and breakfast…still loving God and anyone who comes by. My kind of guy !!
Cheers… Scott
"... and they'll know we are Christians by our hate by our hate and they'll know we are Christians by our..." ...
that's how the song goes isn't it? Not exactly as I remember it but sometimes I think maybe more appropriate. I'm feeling sad today. I keep reading things that make me weep... I feel I could easily write a dozen pages on this one but I'll try and be brief... here's s few that have made me cry for the 'lost church that is' this week lone:
1. Let me start with Fred Phelps... I know I know he's an easy target and part of the 'extreme US fundamentalists' but it's a voice that some at least partially agree with and deserves a brief mention. If you don't know of Fred then please google him but don't spend too much time reading his messages of hate or some may brush off. Apparently according to Fred 'God hates Gays'... also 'God hates America' and ironically 'God hates Jews' (what the?) They regularly picket schools etc. to show people how much god hates them. I have so much to say on Fred but in the end I weep for him... he doesn't know the love and grace of god.
2. Fred Niles... OK so he's no Phelps thankfully (what is it with people called Fred?) but he's scary enough and it's a small step from where he is. Fundamentally (sic) he's opposed to climate control (and any form of environmentalism... I thought God was kind of fond of the environment), immigration of Muslims into Australia, Gay and Lesbians (yes I know it's one of my bugbears...get over it). He also believes in the outright freedom of enterprise. ('God helps those who help themselves' apparently... sheesh silly me! I thought God helped those who couldn't help themselves...ummm.. that's all of us). We cannot let such a misinterpretation of god filter into our culture or our politics...Tony Abbot and Family First also scare me for similar reasons.
3. Corrective rape of lesbians (particularly in South Africa): I'm not sure if you've heard of this but my blood boils with anger and my heart weeps with grief. I will not be flippant here. There are groups mainly within South Africa and Zimbabwe (Uganda proposes a 'Kill the gays' bill) who are condoning (claiming religious morality) the brutal beating and rape of lesbians to make them real women. This practice is spreading and is a foul and brutal abomination of mankind. I don't know what to say here... I'm so upset by it. Love your neighbour as yourself please peoples...
OK I'd planned to say more but that will do for now. That last one just destroys me. These are extreme examples but so much of this is in god's name and supported by large factions of the church (particularly in the conservative right in the US). It's not that big a leap for other evangelical groups to follow suit at least in part. As for what would Jesus say.... Hmmm..
Jesus was highly outspoken at the Jewish church and particularly the Pharisees and Sadducees of his time. The Pharisees were (similar to Phelps and Nile) of the belief that God had not 'redeemed' the Jewish people from slavery because of their sin and so they were intensely focussed on morality as a way to 'salvation'. (Salvation in this context meaning freedom for the Jewish people)
Ironic that it is clear in the NT that Jesus didn't come in the world to judge it... he came to "SAVE" it... morality won;t save us... only love and grace. No-one... not one of us stands untouched without that grace. Jesus didn't share a message of hate in any form. He constantly showed love, mercy and grace to even the 'untouchables' (in the eyes of the Pharisees) ... no-one was untouchable for Jesus... in fact they were often his focus (and I would argue the focus of much of the OT too) prostitute, tax collector, 'bleeding' woman, Samaritan woman, lepers, blind, dead... you name them and he reached out to them. Yes he even touches us... shame that Phelps and co. are yet to truly experience the heart felt touch of God's love and grace.
What are you going to do? How will you demonstrate love to your neighbour... who will you reach out to...especially the 'untouchables' ? We must fight this hatred this abominable representation of god with love and ensure our hearts and our churches NEVER preach this message of hate. For a start please rethink your approach to the church's treatment of the GLBT community.
Crying and praying... Scott
Hi all... after some feedback I have decided to post this post which I had originally planned for down the track. Note I’m still on the ‘Church approach to the GLBT community’ topic but there’s lots of other topics planned. If you’re one of those who thinks gay people are the spawn of Satan and beyond love then I suggest you move on and come back later … ☺
If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard the line “love the sinner, hate the sin” when the topic of homosexuality comes up I’d be a rich man (or at least have enough to pay my bills). It seems to be an ‘easy’ response to the situation but one that irks me considerably. I recently came upon this quote from another blog that I found hits the target:
‘I don’t think they could begin to understand how “love the sinner, hate the sin” doesn’t cut it with this community. It’s like saying, sure, we don’t mind dogs, we love dogs — but leave that mongrel outside. All anyone hears is “hate the sinner with this sin.” It’s getting pretty old. I’m not saying that they have to change their theological stance, but… don’t they have to at least be gracious?’ (http://subversiveinfluence.com/2006/01/the-church-the-activists-and-the-homosexual-question/)
This statement is so intrinsically flawed particularly in its application to homosexuality that it deserves some treatment. So in good ‘sermon’ mode here’s 3 simple points to get us thinking. (else this will end up being a very long post).
1. Why just homosexuality? I’ve never heard this line used in any other discussion except when addressing the ‘issue’ of homosexuality in the church. Why is it so? I’m perplexed how some ‘sin’ gets the ‘steroid’ treatment and others we happily overlook everyday. Maybe the statement would irk me less if it was used for all of us. Eg: for our brother who lives in a multi-million dollar mansion when millions starve each day… Yes brother I love you but I hate your sin... the sister who is obsessed with her self image and spends hours and half her income on fashion and makeup… Yes sister I love you but I hate your sin… or maybe the church in general who focus generally 90%+ of their budget on their building, staff and sound systems… Yes brothers and sisters I love you but I hate your sin. I could go on and on … but we don’t do that though do we? … it’s as if the only sin God cares about are those of the GLBT community.
2. It puts the speaker on a pedestal. (putting on my pious voice here) ‘Oh yes I can bring myself to love you sinner but I hate your sin’ aaarrrgh Jesus must be cringing… News flash: we all sin !! Don’t forget your origins! ‘For all have sinned’… ‘forgive as you have been forgiven’… ‘do not look at the splinter in your brothers eye when you have a log in your own.’ Jesus was very specific in his teaching on this. IMHO most of the western church has a massive log in it’s eye… never forget to forgive as you yourself have been forgiven… we don’t want to be unmerciful servants now do we? Some of the most loving gracious and giving people I know happen to be gay and Christian… so why are they so targeted.
3. Irrepairable damage. Finally… the damage done by the church toward the homosexual community is so great the divide has become unfathomable. How does this statement help the church to bring us closer to a point where we see each other as sinful equals who need the love and grace of God whether we’re gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender (GLBT), materialist, fornicator, luster, obese, self obsessed, selfish, liar, murderer, tax evader blah blah blah…
I believe the church needs to find a new paradigm and one that fits my previous post of the GLBT community as our neighbours. So what is my plea for a new paradigm for the church and the GLBT community? … Wait for it … it may take some time to digest…it’s pretty complex…
LOVE!!
Forget the rest of the phrase just try sticking with the first word… that’s it… simple isn’t it… LOVE!!! It’s hard to do, especially if you’re burdened with your own historical and cultural prejudice but it’s what we’re meant to do and what we’re meant to be known by… hmmm epic fail to date …
So when you’re next thinking about this one… just use the first word… LOVE!!!
Cheers all… Scott
PS – Note I have deliberately steered clear in this post of the varying discussions around whether homosexuality is a sin or not. If you read my ‘What about me?’ post I have already declared my ‘liberal’ stance on that... but for this post I’m assuming the evangelical position that it is sinful and despite that stance the paradigm needs urgent attention.
A minister was walking through the city on his way home when a gang attacked him. They kicked and beat him, stole his wallet, watch and even his clothes. They left him dying and bleeding on the road… they had taken everything.
A local priest walked near and, seeing the dying man, quickly crossed to the other side of the road …after all he was due at the church soon to run confession.
A lay Pentecostal minister upon seeing the man did the same thing… offering a quick prayer to appease his conscience as he crossed on the other side. God would understand...he was a busy man with a large ministry team to look after.
Next came a local gay activist. Only two weeks before he’d been denied communion by the very minister lying before him. He went to him, stopped the bleeding with his shirt and took off his coat to keep the dying man warm. He picked him up, put him in his car despite the fresh blood soaking the car seats and drove him to the nearest hospital where he stayed with him during the night.
The next day he gave the hospital staff $300 to give to the man for new clothes giving them his credit card details in case he needed more.
So who was a neighbour to the bashed minister?
OK so we’ve all heard this story before in a slightly different version. Then it was the ‘despised’ Samaritan who got voted in as best neighbour… this new version isn’t really all that shocking… is it? so what am I trying to say? What was Jesus trying to say?
I’ve often wondered who the modern day equivalents are to some of Jesus’ parables. A number of years ago I read a book called ‘One Blood’ about the history of mission to the Australian aboriginals (which the church really stuffed up in its arrogance) and 100 years ago I’d have suggested sub’ing the indigenous for the Samaritans. They were despised, seen as ‘evil’ lesser human beings and terribly mistreated…much like the modern gay/lesbian by the church (and ‘redneck’ society in general).
The context for Jesus parable was teaching around the greatest commandment… “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, strength and mind; and love your neighbour as yourself.” This was “more important than all burnt offerings or sacrifices”… or to translate to modern times more important than church buildings, services, music, PA’s, communion, bible studies etc.
LOVE LOVE LOVE ...EVERYONE EVERYONE EVERYONE… AS YOURSELF AS YOURSELF AS YOURSELF. MORE IMPORTANT THAN DOING CHURCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN DOING CHURCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN DOING CHURCH
My point is IMHO our modern western evangelical churches, and yes most of those in them, have lost the ‘heart’, the ‘love’, the ‘grace’ to all people, all of creation, all of the time. Instead they're busy focussed on buildings, awesome music, services, attendances, key success criteria, baptisms etc. Yet the very heart of the matter is what it’s all about…
When was the last time you donated to AIDS care, attended a gay/lesbian rally to show your support for those who are alienated from our society or even allowed yourself to see the gay community as your neighbour? Have you ever listened to a gay friend's story or supported the campain against the 'corrective' rape of lesbian women by religious zealots in South Africa? What's got your priority? Love God and love your neighbour as yourself… simple really!
Cheers again Scott :)
