more about me.. a little self indulgence

Two posts in one day? surely not.. oh well...

Lately I've been sharing a litle about myself and my experiences with being transgendered and Christian in a variety of places... some to my family, others to people I don't know. I thought they were worthwhile sharing as they give you a greater insight into me, my struggles and even Lisa (my wife's) experiences with being married to someone who is transgendered.

Hope you enjoy... remember these thoughts/posts were in blogs etc with a Christian context hence the language :)

A. ABOUT ME:
I'm passionate yet frightened, gracious and loving and yet judgemental and angry, strangely fickle yet fiercely loyal. I want to understand and yet be understood, to embrace and be embraced, to love and be loved. Quite a quandary... think of your typical woman if there's such a thing and you'll be close to the mark (think of Alanis Morisette's 'Hand in my Pocket')... Lisa's been trying to work me out for years and she's female :) (PS - she just laughed when I read that out.. she wholewheartedly agrees)... I can sadly be a grumpy vindictive bitch when scorned/crossed... but it generally doesn;t last that long...I'm learning.

As to what I'm on about... many things and yet sometimes nothing (see previous paragraph):
I feel very passionate about issues of significant inequality especially the more I deal with and befriend other LGBT folk , hear their stories, feel their pain and the abuse they have encountered and continue to encounter. Every time I hear of someone who has suicided or other cases of abuse, from church and non-church alike I am brought to tears and want to see the world love and get along without bias.

I do want fellow Christians to not 'exclude' them because they're too hard or because of a belief around morality/sin. They are people with issues, loves, gifts, hurts and are loved and created by God and many of them have so much to give to the world. There is a huge 'ministry' of love and care (not evangelistic) to these people. Sadly so many TG people kill themselves.. I know of a few already. It breaks my heart as I know of some of their pain and journeys.

So that's me.. creative, nurturing, manic, depressed, idealistic, wounded... and difficult. Befriend me at your peril :)

B. SOME THOUGHTS ON TRANSGENDERISM AND CHRISTIANITY:
hmmm ... God doesn't make mistakes huh? No... but what of the child born prem who dies at -2 weeks?, of the child born with autism or no limbs? What about the intersexed person born physically female (to the eye) but when she reaches age 18 and still hasn;t had her period (yet has a physically female appearance breasts and all) finds out she is chromosonally neither male nor female and has inner testes that don;t work but the physical appearance, estrogen, hips, breasts of a woman and is known as such. What choice should she make?

Please look beyond your own safe and sheltered worlds to the realities of what so many people need to live with. Only a small precentage of people in this world have the luxury of being middle class, well off, well educated, 'normal' human beings. I am a MTF transgender christian and my wife and I both know that I have the brain, personality etc. of a woman and have had for as long as I have a memory yet I was born with an anatomically non-matching body.

It is a very painful condition, one I would not wish on anyone, least of all myself. There is no sexual fetish or deviance associated with it (in my case at least) other than I am basically a-sexual or not interested. It s not a sin condition but a condition of being, of birth and of genetics. We must remember that we live in a world that is the result of thousands of years of sin and far from perfect. We all need to find a way to continue to find grace, love, peace and forgivensss in the midst of living with the consequences of a less than perfect and sinful world.

PLEASE CONSIDER AND PRAY FOR GRACE. The suicide rate of tg people is estimated as up to 70%.... well above the normal range... mostly because of people's insenstitivity and lack of understanding.

Since when has counselling re-grown an arm that was never there, healed down syndrome or fixed a terminal tumour??? Transgenderism is biological... I am convinced being born that way myself. It's a sign of western modernity that considers cognition as the ultimate. Knowledge isn;t everything... some things are real... you wouldn;t wish this on your worst enemy and trust me I have been through 8 counsellors a number of exorcists etc and funnily enough they can;t fix what is essentially created/biological.... plus I like me... I'm a lovely, gracious, giving, sensitive and forgiving person :|

Sometimes hardship is just a result of the effects of all of us human beings living with the consequences of other peoples poor decisions... ie: the death of a father who died in a crash from a drink driver.... other times it is the result of years of sin and imperfection in the world. there is so much more than simple 1+1, black vs white mathematics... God however brings us love, joy, grace, peace and forgiveness whatever our circumstances. For me I know He loves me as the woman I am inside and the 'becoming' woman I am outside... I know He loves the person I am and is pleased with so much that I give... God bless

C. AND FINALLY SOME THOUGHTS FROM LISA AND WHAT IT'S LIKE BEING MARRIED TO A TG:
Hi from Lisa, Ellie Whites wife. Just want to let people know having married this beautiful person as a man 18 years ago and then only 6 years ago discovering why s/he had felt so out of place in this world all of hir (his/her in tg terms) life. There was heartache stress and trauma for me yes but after a lot of self soul searching realized that s/he was still the same person that I had spent my adult life with and had 4 beautiful children with. I now realise that just because he looks like a man (although not for very much longer) he really does think, act and feel like a woman. {More so than me sometimes} God did not make a mistake, s/he is the most caring, giving, loving 'wife' and parent anyone could wish for. I see the hourly struggle, anxiety, pain and suffering s/he goes through in just trying to survive in hir own misfitted body and the rejection, isolation and misunderstanding s/he faces from many others.

And it is true the suicide rate is far too high in this group of beautiful but too often unacceptable people. Ellie has been so close on a few occassions and that is difficult for me to deal with. S/he has felt so much guilt about what myself and hir kids suffer that I have been close to it at times too. Because I then feel guilt cos I don't feel I am being as supportive loving or accepting as I could be. We absolutely love each other but it doesn't mean we don't struggle with it constantly. This is not a 'normal' situation and no-one really understands so please anyone out there who calls themselves a christian and loves Jesus, remember every second of every day that in this society #particularly christian circles# we struggle with peoples uneducated fundamental views and that hurts us to the core. All we ask is to be shown grace, love and understanding.

This is by no means a choice!!!!!!!! If it were I can assure you my beautiful partner WOULD NOT CHOOSE to walk this daily path of pain, anguish and rejection. Lastly I want to share that I have come from a very conservative background and God has graciously given me an extremely loving and caring 'wife' which has helped me to adjust my black and white attitudes and give me a life of learning challenges. It has not always been a nice road but I am incredibly thankful for the beautiful partner I have and the beautiful marriage we share #most of the time.# So if I can come full circle on many of my attitudes I can assure you, you can too. Please think about how you treat #judge# these beautiful but so often tormented souls. Luv to all from Lisa

A left handed view... another analogy

Hi all... well it has been more than a while.. so sorry.

I want to share a little story shared with me by a loving Christian friend Mary Pearson who runs a website called Christian Gays. She is an adorable person and I find this little story so helpful. It's an encouragement and challenge to use that which you have been given to then bless and enlighten others.

I hope you enjoy it too... luv Scott xo

Discrimination against left-handers has historically been one of the deepest prejudices there is.

The bible contains over 100 favourable references to the right-hand and 25 unfavourable references to the left-hand. Example: The right hand of the lord doeth valiantly, the right hand of the lord is exalted (Psalm 118 vv15,16) The sheep are set on Christ's right hand and the goats on the left. Those on the right inherit the kingdom of God while those on the left depart into everlasting fire. The devil is nearly always portrayed as left-handed, and evil spirits lurk over the left shoulder, which is why you throw spilled salt over your left shoulder to ward them off.

Left-handers have been linguistically abused for centuries! There are hundreds of (mainly abusive) terms for left-handers. There are a lot of sayings where "right" is good and "left" is bad example: "being in your right mind", "the divine right of kings", it will be “all right in the end", as against being "left out", “left behind”, having "two left-feet", "a left-handed compliment" (one that is not really meant!)

Throughout history, lefties have been discriminated against. They have been burned as witches, refused as marriage partners, had their hands tied behind their back when they tried to write with the left hand (as in the case of my mother and brother), and beaten into orthodoxy.

I could write a lot on this subject. It’s one of my favourites but the point I’m trying to make is that I don’t believe there is anything wrong with me being left-handed, but for many years society did.

So the point I’m trying to make – maybe it’s getting lost in the analogy – is that I believe God created me left-handed. Many years ago OTHERS might have considered me a witch and burned me at the stake. I would have been made to feel “less than”, imperfect, wrong, bad, etc, but that wouldn’t have made it true. It would have been the wrong perception of OTHERS

So dear Ellie, as Terri said, we are all part of God’s great plan of diversity. We are all on the spectrum of how we feel about ourselves, our bodies, BUT we cannot dismiss that a lot of our issues are due to society’s perception of us (as gays and lesbians too). It’s just that being trans or intersex is a minority, like being left-handed, and in the past minorities were not accepted in society – especially Jewish society where “sameness” was critically important, and from which many of our prejudices have been derived.

Now, today, it’s not a big issue if you’re left-handed. In fact I feel very proud of the fact for many good reasons, but that’s off the track so I don’t want to get into it, but the change in society’s attitude toward lefties has only come by education and the knowledge that we are actually more gifted in some areas than others. Well who do you think did the research to find these things out? Righties???? I don’t think so. I think that left-handed people had to do the research and the education for us (lefties) to become accepted in society.

So who is going to do the research and education re trans people to be accepted in society??? Someone who has never experienced what it’s like? Or perhaps someone who has gone through all the injustices and prejudice, someone who understands the pain and trauma associated with it.

Mary Pearson